About Doubt

[Our lessons for the Second Sunday of Easter were Acts 2:14a, 22-32, 1 Peter 1: 3-9, and John 20: 19-31.]

“Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands, and put my finger in the mark of the nails and my hand in his side, I will not believe.”

We really don’t know that much about St. Thomas. What most of us know is from this familiar story in St. John’s Gospel. But, John’s Gospel has more. About two years before his crucifixion, when Jesus and his followers fled Jerusalem, Jesus learned that his friend Lazarus had died. Jesus told them that they must go back, no matter the risk. Thomas answered, “Let us also go, that we may die with him.” Then, during the Last Supper, when Jesus told the disciples, “And you know the way to the place where I am going,” Thomas exclaimed, “Lord, we do not know where you are going. How can we know the way?” (This is where Jesus answered, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life.”)

Clearly Thomas is committed to Jesus. He has been willing to face death for Him when the other disciples were afraid. But the events of Good Friday were too much for him. Can we blame him? Remember the internal context of this story, especially from Thomas’ perspective. You have left your old life behind for Jesus and have believed that he is the Messiah. (And this Messiah was expected to be a warrior king.) And now Jesus is dead, in a horrible, humiliating way. We don’t know where Thomas went, but we know he was not with the other disciples on the evening of the first Easter, when the risen Lord first appeared to them. He missed it! So, when the disciples tell him, “We have seen the Lord,” it’s too much for him to believe and he demands proof. This resurrection story was too good to be true.

This story is loaded with little points that we can learn. Thomas had separated himself from the other disciples and missed Jesus’ appearance. Christ appears to us most within the community of believers—the Church—and when we separate ourselves from the Church, we risk missing him.

We can all identify with Thomas. Life can be too painful sometimes for us to truly believe without help. Thomas is a lot like us—wanting to believe, but not able to make that leap of faith without help.

How does Jesus respond? Does he say that, because of his doubt, Thomas is cast into the outer darkness? No! Jesus knows Thomas’ need and his longing to believe. Jesus did not blame Thomas for his doubt. On this Second Sunday of Easter, Jesus again appears to the disciples, including Thomas, and offers the proof Thomas needs. He gently says, “Do not doubt but believe.” Thomas responds, “My Lord and my God!” This is the first time Jesus is named as God, not exactly a minor event! Jesus surely knew that once Thomas’ doubt was satisfied, Thomas would become one of the surest men of faith in Christendom.

To be human is to doubt. Faith is not the absence of doubt; it is the overcoming of doubt. We all doubt at times—when the pain of loss is too deep, when evil seems to triumph for a day—and we will do so again. I don’t really trust someone who says they never doubt. (Maybe I’m just jealous!) Either they aren’t being honest or they aren’t being human.

This short episode from John’s Gospel speaks directly to us as well. Jesus said, “Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have come to believe.” Remember that John’s Gospel was written later than the other Gospels, possibly as late as 90 or 100. By now, everyone is one of “those who have not seen.” They needed to be told that those who had not physically seen Jesus are blessed as well.

We often call St. Thomas “Doubting Thomas” and we don’t mean it in a good way. We seem to believe that it is wrong to doubt. But this story tells us that doubting is a natural part of the human nature that God gave us and it is nothing to be ashamed of.

One of my favorite literary characters, Anthony Trollope’s Duke of Omnium, put it this way when consoling a friend who had been wrongly charged with murder. He said, “I no more believed you could have done that than could I. But I am human and fallible and I could not eliminate doubt.” Even when we are “sure”, we can’t escape doubt. And when we doubt, we can look to St. Thomas’ example. He can give us the courage to face our doubts.

God does not require or expect or even want us to be free of doubt. He calls us to face our doubts, honestly and openly. We need to have courage and wisdom to deal with our doubts, not accept a false idea that doubting itself is wrong. We need this inner-directed kind of doubt that makes us aware of our own limitations and keeps us on the path of discovery—on our journey of faith in Christ.

The fact that I hold to a belief more firmly is not a reliable guide to whether I’m right. Passionate belief can disguise the truth as surely as it can lead to the truth. I remember some years ago, another Christian denomination used a slogan on bumper stickers: “God said it. I Believe it. And that settles it.” I’m not quite sure what “it” was, but the speaker was clearly sure. No doubt here. Does that certainty alone make “it” true?

When we have doubts and we struggle to believe, we should think of St. Thomas. He shows us that “doubt need not smother faith. Love can survive in darkness, unveiling in the gloom the presence of the risen Lord.” And when that happens, we can only hope to respond as he did two thousand years ago, “My Lord and My God.”

Those of us who haven’t had the opportunity to be eyewitnesses to the Resurrection have the testimony of the eyewitnesses, which was passed on to other believers and to the next generation, until it is her with us today. It is our faith now that believes because of their testimony and the lives of the faithful over the centuries. As it says in Peter’s letter today, “Although you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and rejoice with an indescribable and glorious joy.” We haven’t seen him, but we know that he lives today!

[This weekend, my niece Aimee Maria Haynes is having her First Communion in her Catholic Church in Illinois. In the Episcopal Church we don't necessarily emphasize a first communion, but this prayer I found has sentiments that seem acceptable to most Episcopalians:

Lord Jesus Christ, in the Sacrament of the Eucharist You left us the outstanding manifestation of your limitless love for us. Thank You for giving our child the opportunity to experience this love in receiving the Sacrament for the first time. May your Eucharist's presence keep her ever free from sin, fortified in faith, pervaded by love for God and neighbor, and fruitful in virtue, that she may continue to receive You throughout life and attain final union with You at death. Amen.]